In the launch “The story of what happened to us”, Mauro Valeri Junior tells the real story of a relationship between two, narrating bluntly all the perrengues that a couple can face. From an unlikely friendship at work to overcoming two separations, the author portrays the beauties and pains that permeate a loving relationship.
Despite the challenges faced, such as the wall that prevented the couple from assuming the relationship and the financial uncertainties that strained the relationship, Mauro and Raquel remained partners for over 10 years. However, the lack of communication in certain periods, the social lives of each one, work and even problems with the pets ended up leading to two separations.
The last separation made the author lose ground, but also sought to understand the obstacles that made him get there. Reading the book is exciting, fluid and demonstrates the importance of seeking dialogue and the truth, no matter who it hurts.
Mauro Valeri Junior is a São Paulo native, business administrator and discovered in writing a form of therapy that connects the mind with the window of the soul. With his book, he teaches us that a relationship can be exhausting, but if there is love, communication and respect, it is possible to overcome obstacles and live a happy and healthy life together.
How did you get over the messy breakup you went through and what did you learn from that experience?
Some things only time and balance between body, mind and soul can help to overcome, the loss of a loved one is one of those things. There are no shortcuts it’s a difficult and painful process. Time helps to understand, a spiritual connection comforts the heart, changes in posture and behavior on my part were like learning.
Today I try to live in the present, not to blame myself for past mistakes and not to suffer in advance with possible future problems. I focus on what I can control, accept what I can’t. It’s a Stoic principle that helps me live better.
What do you think was the main reason for the strain on your relationship and what would you have done differently to prevent it?
The main reason was the lack of care, attention, affection, demonstrations of affection. Add to that the problems and difficulties of everyday life, the routine plays tricks and we end up not appreciating the simple things in life. I lacked sensitivity to deal with some situations, I lacked maturity to understand the right time for some things. In general I behaved quite selfishly for a few years and that’s horrible in a relationship.
My conception of love was totally wrong when applied to an affective relationship, there was no partnership, complicity, exchange. At some point we lost the connection and became two people living in the same house, but without deep conversations, without surrender, without synchronized routines, without similar interests. Basically what I will do in the future is to show more love, it’s not enough to just feel, the other needs to be clearly aware of their feelings, concerns and emotions.
It’s common for people not to show their feelings because they feel fragile or afraid to show weakness and even emotional dependence, but that’s a big mistake. I understand that showing affection is a liberating act and fills everyone with joy.
How did you manage to deal with the financial and job instability that affected your relationship with Raquel?
It is a super complex situation, which has very strong and somewhat sexist cultural roots. But they are also part of the essence of the human being in the male figure. It is intrinsic to man to be the provider, the caregiver and when this does not happen for some reason it is normal to feel incapable, impotent, to have the feeling of failure. So the first step is to resignify that feeling and understand that you are not like that, but you are going through a moment like that. That’s what I did, when Raquel was pregnant with Maurinho I had a sudden shock, a wrench in my head. I started to think about what kind of future I could offer my wife and my children, what alternatives I had, so I evaluated my professional career, pondered a few things and dedicated myself to my studies.
In addition to being a driving force to leverage my career, studies pose a natural challenge to overcome, which I love to face. It’s one thing to go to college living with your parents at the age of 18, it’s another thing to go to college married, with children, working all day and having a thousand charges and responsibilities. I’m not saying with that that I did something amazing and rare, millions of people do it daily in even worse conditions. But this dedication and resilience brought me good results and in a short time the financial situation was stabilized. Then other problems arose and that’s what we’re made for, solving problems, dealing with complex situations, doing what needs to be done, that defines a man.
How important is communication in a relationship and how have you improved your communication over time?
Communication is the main pillar of a relationship and has the power to save a relationship. The perfect dialogue happens when we open ourselves to the truth of the other. In dialogue, we must learn to listen more, not listen, but pay attention and really care. By doing this, we begin to see life in the same way that the other sees it, this avoids the emergence of judgments and criticism. Believe me, for many, many times, your partner just needs a friendly shoulder, attentive ears and a hug. To understand this, you need to be connected and have good communication, which is not just limited to conversations, we communicate with gestures, showing concern. All of that counts.
I believe that we made a lot of mistakes in this regard, our communication was very bad and truncated at various times. It fluctuated too much, sometimes we were just fine, talking, laughing, making jokes and making plans, other times we argued for nothing or didn’t talk. The tip here is, never do that, always maintain open and assertive communication, we are sociable beings, we need to talk, it is always possible to resolve things.
Do you think there are limits to the number of arguments and breakups a couple can get through? If so, what would those limits be?
I don’t see the limit as a number, but respect and trust. Discussions can never move on to offenses and humiliations, nor depart to physical aggression. In our case this never happened, even if there were disagreements, there was always mutual respect and admiration. I think that while there is feeling it is possible to overcome, without feeling there is no motivation to try anything else.
The limit is how much love endures, how much affection, concern and care for the other is lit. Just incline our thoughts and look at the biblical scriptures that we will find significant mentions on this topic. In the verses of the book of Corinthians it is written:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not mistreat, does not seek its own interests, is not easily angered, does not hold a grudge. Love does not rejoice over injustice, but rejoices with the truth. Everything suffers, everything believes, everything hopes, everything supports.
Love never perishes; but prophecies will pass away, tongues will cease, knowledge will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when what is perfect comes, what is imperfect will pass away.
When I was a boy, I spoke like a boy, thought like a boy, and reasoned like a boy. When I became a man, I left boyish things behind. Now, then, we see only a dim reflection, as in a mirror; but then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then shall I know fully, even as I am fully known.
So now these three remain: faith, hope and love. The greatest of them, however, is love.”
What is the main message you want to convey to your book’s readers and to people facing problems in their relationships?
The main message is that we shouldn’t give up on the people we love, our dreams and especially our family. That’s what really matters in life, everyday discussions are a big nonsense, with willpower, love and faith everything is possible.
Don’t blame yourself too much for mistakes made in the past, don’t worry or suffer too much about things that haven’t happened yet. Live for today, do your best every day, because improving 1% a day will be 365% better at the end of the year.
How has writing helped you deal with your personal feelings and experiences, and what do you hope to achieve by publishing your book?
Writing served me as a form of therapy, because in moments of sadness I couldn’t think of anything other than writing. I couldn’t concentrate on work issues, taking care of myself or even my kids. Writing started to free my mind and unlock some skills, I spent hours writing, many of them during the night.
When I finished writing this book I was already writing 2 others simultaneously, ideas started to sprout in my head in a way that I had never seen before.
The creative process started to improve and everything happened naturally. I hope the book’s message reaches people in need who are going through a similar situation. Perhaps it will serve as inspiration and motivation for some, it may be seen as friendly advice by others.
DATASHEET
Title:The story of what happened to us
Caption:small gestures can change everything
Author:Mauro Valeri Junior
Pages:218
ISBN:978-65-266-0098-6
ASIN:B0BYPF2GZ5
Format:14cm X 21cm
Price:BRL 45.00 (physical) and BRL 29.90 (eBook)
Sale link: amazon, Authors Club
Follow Mauro Valeri Junior on Instagram